Little Bean

August 17, 2018

I miss being pregnant. I didn’t expect to, but I do. I regret this deeply now, but I spent a lot of my pregnancy ready for it to be over.

I didn’t have an easy pregnancy. I was diagnosed with Hyperemesis Gravidarum (a severe form of morning sickness) pretty early on. I was dehydrated, losing weight, unable to eat normally until close to my third trimester, and being threatened with home health care before the medication my doctors prescribed finally started working. I had really bad round ligament pains, and moving was difficult. I was in early labor for a month before delivering. We were also going through a pretty serious family emergency at the time. 

But I don’t want to focus on the bad. My son deserves more. He deserves happy memories and stories of him from the beginning. So that’s what this post is about: the happiest moments with who was then known as “Little Bean.”

Finding Out:

I found out I was pregnant at exactly 4 weeks. Because we had been consciously trying, I knew exactly when to test. I woke up eager that morning, anxious and nervous, but filled with excitement and hope. I tried to ignore the test strip while waiting for the results; I wanted to give it time to show up rather than worrying too soon. That second line showed up pretty quickly, though, and I stared at it in disbelief. For some reason, excited as I was, I really thought it was going to be negative. After a few moments, hands shaking, I went downstairs to tell Burkley. It was early, but I couldn’t wait to tell him. Still half asleep, he wrapped me in his arms and told me how excited he was! Then asked if we could go back to sleep! I was too excited, though, and begged him to come with me to get another test, so I’d know it was real! He giggled at me and obliged. Again, the positive result, this time in the form of a digital “Pregnant” showed up quickly. And my hands immediately went to my belly. 


We decided to tell our immediate family first. For my mom, we gave her an early Mother’s Day card to “Grandmother.” With my dad, my sister (who was living with us at the time and we told that same morning) asked him to sign a Mother’s Day card, which she’d addressed to me. We told Burkley’s mom by Skyping her and holding up a onesie that read (in Portuguese) “Everything is better with grandmother kisses!” His dad we told in person by making him think we were just coming over for a visit to catch up. The best announcement, by far, though, was to his brother who lives in California. We sent him a Potato Parcel that read: Deanna’s pregnant. Nobody knows. (We weren’t sure when it would arrive and didn’t want him accidentally announcing for us). 

A few weeks later, after we’d heard the heartbeat for the first time, we had a gathering with my extended family. Midway through the gathering I changed into a shirt that read “Pregosaurus!” (My nickname growing up was Deanna-saur). It was hilarious how long it took my family to realize what it meant. 

At 12 weeks, when we were given the all clear by our doctor, we made it public, posting the picture above! The outpouring of love and support we received was heartwarming! 


The first time we heard his heartbeat, it was like a song I’d always known! It felt like it fit right in the rests of my own heartbeat. 
The first time we saw him kick on the ultrasound, I couldn’t help but gasp in amazement! 

The first time I felt him kick, it felt like popcorn in my abdomen! It wasn’t long after that Burkley could feel it, too! We’d often spend our evenings with our hands on my belly, waiting, as still as possible, to see if he’d do it again! I’d sleep with my arms wrapped around myself, finding peace in the tiniest of movements!
The first time I saw his kick from the outside of my belly, he was actually kicking our dogs nose! She could tell there was something going on and liked to dig her nose against my belly; I guess he was eager to play with her from the start! 

The first time we saw his face, with a 3D ultrasound, I already recognized him. I finally saw in person the face I knew I’d be staring at for hours on end. 

Boy or Girl?

Throughout the first few months of my pregnancy, people kept telling me they thought I was having a boy. I thought so, too, but didn’t say anything. Most of the old wives tales predicted I was having a girl, but as it turned out, we were right! And boy was he not shy about showing us! Before the ultrasound tech could even say anything, we shouted “it’s a boy!”

The Baby Shower:

My baby shower was perfect! Despite being October, it was warm and sunny outside! My aunt was kind enough to host, and she really went all out! It was Where the Wild Things Are themed, same as the theme we had picked for the nursery! Burkley and I were surrounded by friends and family as we celebrated the wonderful gift to come! 


At 32 weeks pregnant, we had the brilliant idea of sticking my massive self on an airplane and flying down to Florida for a weekend. It was actually really lovely! November in Florida is still warm, and being able to float in the water felt so good! We saw manatees and collected shells, and most of all, we relaxed! 

The Desi Tree:

Christmas fell one week before my due date. I’d been in early labor for 3 weeks at that point, so safe to say I was not in the mood to decorate or host anything. But family was in town for the holidays (and anticipating the birth), and our house is kind of the hub for family gatherings (which we actually love, don’t get me wrong). Thankfully everyone was very understanding and made it so we could still have wonderful holiday celebrations without me needing to lift a finger! Despite loving real Christmas trees, Burkley surprised me one morning with the artificial tree I’d been eyeing for a while (I was not dealing with a real tree when there was the potential of having a newborn in the house), and my mother in law went all out designing what we deemed “The Desi Tree!” Instead of the usual Christmas ornaments, it was decorated with Where the Wild Things Are characters and scenes, so we could leave it up as long as we wanted after he was born! It was perfect! 

New Year’s Eve:

My due date was finally here, but no signs of Desi actually coming, so I decided to finally relax. I’d spent the last few weeks really pushing my body, walking, bouncing on a yoga ball, going up and down the stairs, eating dates, drinking teas, forcing down pineapple, trying to get the early labor to switch to active labor. But with my due date finally here, it clicked that I really didn’t have any control over when he came, so why was I forcing myself and using up all my energy? I’m going to need that energy for when he does come, so maybe I should be focused instead on resting and recharging. And that what we did! We blew off the New Years party we normally go to and opted instead for an evening of movie watching in the bath! It was a  wonderful way to end the year and, little did we know, the best way to welcome in our new one!

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